Bread and Punctuation ( by which I mean Sex and Such)

Why does the topic of sex get most people to react that way?

There’s the disapproval, the waggling eyebrows, the giggling, the smirking and the snorting. There are inside jokes and private conversations. There are parades and politically protected expressions of ‘collective public’ sentiment.There’s the taunting and the teasing, the air of oh-so-wrongness mixed with unspecified portions of shame and guilt. And then there’re the reactions to what is considered the ‘righteous’ kind of sex. There’s talk of what is taboo and there’s hushing and shushing and a lowering of voices, pointing and staring and ogling and whispering. Also, there’s this somewhat fixed set of facial expressions that everyone seems to carry around. These are to be used (with varying degrees of moderation) where sex and such are concerned.

(Like the meme-faces below, only infinitely uglier)


You get the picture?

I mean, what if this is how people reacted to the topic of bread or coconut oil or punctuation?

People would point and suppress a giggle at the clearly coded and religiously demarcated plethora of punctuation; there would be right and wrong commas and a whole breed of parentheses that were just plain unnatural.

Then there’d be the holy, god-ordained bread and the kind that is completely devoid of morals. For the love of all that is sacred and true, bread that eats away at the fabric of society is just plain WRONG. If you had brown bread, even if you were feeding it to your mouth (connected to your stomach and, ultimately, to your bottom), what would I do with my varieties of honey crust and milk? What if, because you ate brown bread, the WHOLE world followed suit in your footsteps?? Then we wouldn’t have anyone who ate milk-bread and that is precisely what would lead to the end of the world (my holy books have all the proof you need)

And don’t even get me started on coconut oil that comes in cube-shaped containers. (That is NOT how they marketed coconut oil in the kingdoms of gods. It was shunned and frowned upon a billion years ago; even the dinosaurs were uncomfortable with the concept. I mean, who are we to argue with dinosaurs??)

My choice of bread is my damn choice of bread; especially when it’s not coerced, when it’s consensual and when I do NOT force it down your throat. I don’t care if coconut oil came in formless containers made of distilled suburban sin . I most definitely do not care to categorize the brackets and exclamations I use into categories of ‘suitable’, ‘culturally-accepted’ and ‘morally wrong’.